Due to insurance, I recently had to break up with A+ therapist. It was a very amicable break up that was not documented on social media and didn’t include anyone having to take sides. Those of you reading this who have had to go through a therapist breakup know that it can be difficult as finding a therapist you bond with, trust, and are comfortable with them calling you out on your shit is like finding a close parking spot at the mall.. very rare and exciting when it happens.

A+ and I broke up in May and between migraines, dealing with insurance issues, life, and wanting to avoid having to look for a new therapist, I put the search on hold. I recently decided that for the betterment of myself and those who have to encounter me on a daily basis that I should get my butt back into therapy and thus the quest for a new therapist began. Some cities have speed dating therapist events where you literally go table to table trying to find a therapists. My city does not have such an offering, so I began my search online. I’d like to tell you I am a nonjudgmental person and did not judge the therapists I saw by their online picture, but that would be a hardcore life. I judge a book by its cover.. literally. I can’t tell you how many books I have returned to the library/bookstore shelves or haven’t picked up because I didn’t like the cover. That being said, it’s not totally surprising I would judge therapists by their cover. Some pictures truly left me asking why someone would pick that picture to advertise their business.

After getting past the online pictures, then it was time to dive into the biography section and this is where many candidates were eliminated. I am the type of person that is big on the vibe I get from someone. I think we can tell a lot about people by the way they write and what they write. Lord, only knows what my lack of grammar skills and my style of writing tell you about me. But, there were many therapist candidates that I just felt like didn’t have the right vibe for me. I need someone who understands sarcasm, is not easily offended by cursing, does not back down when I put up walls, and does not allow me to use sarcasm to avoid dealing with my feelings. I’m a true joy to deal with as a client.

After my extensive search, I finally found someone and meet with her Thursday. She likes Brene Brown. She specializes in grief, trauma, life transitions, and anxiety, which are basically the four subtypes of my personality, and she uses emoji’s in her emails. The use of emoji’s tells me she doesn’t take life too seriously and I am using that to infer she will understand sarcasm. That may be a jump, but I am hoping not. She won’t last long if she doesn’t speak sarcasm as I am fluent in sarcasm.

While I am excited to get back into therapy and I know it will be good for me, it’s nerve-racking to be working with someone new. It’s not easy to spill the contents of your soul out to anyone and especially to a perfect stranger. I have decided these first couple of sessions are like my own therapist speed dating event. We are going to see how we mesh, whether she understands my sarcasm or is completely offended, and whether her vibe and my vibe are friends. Trust me, I have a vibe and it doesn’t work for some and that’s ok. If we aren’t, there are other therapist fish in the sea, but I am committed to at least 4 sessions before I decide whether or not I need to start my search again.

Maybe you are in the process of getting to know a new friend, dating someone new, or jumping into a new partnership with a therapist, doctor, etc. Starting any new relationship/partnership can be filled with anxiety and a desire to present one’s best self. Lord knows I will not be unleashing my full self on this poor woman until at least our 4th or 5th session. She needs to gradually get to know me. Give yourself and the new person in your life grace as you navigate this new part of your journey together. Do your best to remain open and to not judge a book by its cover. Some days are covers may be a little tattered and worn, but there still might be a really good book underneath that cover.

PS: I am going to have to come up with a new nickname for said therapist… secretly Im hoping she’s kind of a B+ therapist.. like she knows her stuff, but doesn’t make me work quite as hard as A+ did.