A+ therapist ends every session with this seemingly simple question. My answers vary each session. Today, after a particularly intense session of cave diving into the caverns of my soul and opening up doors that have been covered with cobwebs because they haven’t been opened for years, I needed McDonalds. For whatever reason, my go to meal when I want to eat my feelings is McDonalds. I find copious amounts of salt, grease and preservatives healing, I guess.

As I drove home I began to think deeper about the four word question we end every therapy session with. Because of my illnesses I often think about what my body needs.. sleep, quiet, medications, chiropractor, occupational therapy, brain games, lymphatic pump, heart rate monitor, pacing, etc. I don’t often think about what I need beyond what I need to physically get through each day. I think this is because my tendency is to think first about what everyone else needs before thinking about myself. It’s a tendency I have had for as long as I can remember and I’m currently in people pleasing recovery.. the recovery program is about as fun as it sounds.

I decided to spend time this afternoon really thinking about what I need right now and here’s what I came up with.

1. I need community– I need people in my life who love me, know me, see me, accept me, value me, for who I am right now. Not who I used to be and not who I may be in the future.
2. I need silence– Time to rest my brain, connect with myself, etc. We live in a world with constant noise and distraction that doesn’t allow us to really connect with ourselves and hear ourselves.
3. I need to disconnect- Right now my news comes from what I read. I have unfollowed news organizations, have taken off notification alerts, and do my best to limit what I see on social media. I can’t get minute by minute updates with the latest doom ridden headline. I can’t see the breaking news scroll by with the latest up to the minute horror of this current season. It is a constant balance of wanting to stay engaged and also wanting to remain a sane, hopeful, and kind person. So far I am still relatively sane, hopeful, and kind. lol.
4. I need laughter– I have spent time going back and watching shows that make me laugh like Gilmore Girls and Ted Lasso because I need laughter. I need laughter that makes my belly ache, my eyes water, and my nose snort.
5. I need hope– We often think of hope as something we have, but I would argue hope is something we choose. Hope is not passive, but active. Hope requires us to look inside ourselves and find that flicker of light that still burns within us even in the darkest of times. Choosing to have hope is a daily and sometimes hourly choice, but the alternative choice is despair and I see too much good still in the world to make that choice. No judgement if despair is the place you’re in right now. You have every right to be there, but I hope you don’t stay there for too long.
6. I need routine– In my 2 year journey with my illnesses I have learned how crucial routine is to me staying balance and grounded. Routine has allowed me to create some semblance of normalcy in a life, and now a country, that feels anything but normal.
7. I need to not be ok– This is a hard pill to swallow for many of us. When we see people we love struggling and not ok we want to do whatever we can to make them ok. Right now though, they are a lot of people who aren’t ok and that’s perfectly ok. I need to be able to have moments, days, or even weeks where I am not myself, but I am still loved, accepted, and valued regardless. Maybe you need the same.
8. I need music– The day after the election I began creating a playlist with a creative name that has helped me get through this season in ways nothing else has. Blasting a song in the car is free therapy for me. It’s even better if the song contains several curse words. Music expresses things I can’t find the words for or things I am too scared to put my own words to.
9. I need nature- Nature is my refuge. It is the place I go to when the daily noise and distractions of the world become too much and I need to hear myself think again. It’s the place I go to when I forget who I am. It’s the place I go to when the feelings of the world feel too heavy, too confusing, and just too much. Nature makes sense and nature heals in ways that no medicine, doctor, and/or treatment ever could.
10. I need grace– Grace for myself and grace for others. Right now, everyone is doing their best to navigate a new normal that feels anything but normal and feels like it’s going to be led by the trifecta of fear, doom, and chaos. Give grace wherever you can while also taking care of yourself. Side Note: Giving someone grace does not mean giving them free license to act like a complete ass.. the same is true for ourselves. It would be nice if that’s what grace meant because Lord knows there are days I have decided that was the definition and acted like a complete ass. I’m human.

Some of these needs may be needs that resonated with you and others not so much, that’s ok. We all have different needs and I would imagine that right now our needs are different than they were BTE (Before The Election). Take some time to really think about what you need. Not what you think you should need, what the world tells you that you need, what people in your life tell you that you need, what Tik Tok ad’s tell you that you need, but actually deep down what your soul is telling you that you need. No judgement if the way you’re living life and your priorities right now don’t reflect your needs because mine doesn’t most days either. Life gets in the way. Being human gets in the way.

My hope for you and for myself is that each day when we wake and before the noise of the world hits us we stop and ask ourselves “What do I need?”

Full Disclosure: This list of needs isn’t complete as I left off my need for a miniature highland cow, puppy, baby goat, and any other adorable animal one could think of. You may be thinking to yourself, “Why in the world does a person NEED their own farm full of adorable animals, but I assure you it’s a critical need. I also left off the obviously life and death need of going to see the Eras Tour.