A week ago today I had the dreaded pink positive line pop up on an at home Covid test. While I was not at all excited to see that dreaded pink line, I was not at all surprised. Covid is running rampant right now. She’s like preschoolers when someone brings glitter into the classroom.. no one is leaving the classroom without glitter on them and right now, no one seems to be escaping Covid. As case numbers have risen over the last couple of weeks, I had mentally prepared myself that it was a matter of when I would get it as opposed to if I would get it. For many people with my conditions they choose to remain relatively isolated so as to protect themselves. I fully support that choice. I have chosen to be as safe as I can while also living life as much as I can and I know in doing so I accept certain risks.

As soon as the line turned pink of course the fear kicked in. What is this going to do to my body? Is this going to make my Long Covid, POTS, and ME/CFS symptoms worse? I was like Alice in Wonderland jumping full tilt down the spinning rabbit hole accompanied by pictures of Covid related doom and gloom as I made my way down the rabbit hole. I caught myself spiraling and engaged some 4,7,8 breathing. Yes, it sounds like Broadway dance counts.. no it’s not nearly as fun as that. 4,7,8 breathing involves breathing in for four counts, holding your breath for 7 counts, and breathing out for 8 counts. It’s a miracle strategy that took me from the depths of the Covid rabbit hole up to the plateau of “It is what it is”, which is a place I spend a lot of time at. It is a far more pleasant place to be than the acid trip like Covid doom and gloom rabbit hole.

This particular bout of Covid was rough for me. I had fevers over 103 degrees, body aches that literally felt like someone was beating the crap out of me for fun, a throat that hurt so bad I was convinced I unknowingly swallowed glass, and a body that felt like it was floating on the Titanic while laying in bed. It was the kind of sick where you can’t do anything because you’re just miserable. I couldn’t even handle watching Real Housewives or the Eras Tour.. that’s like a different level of sick for me. There were moments I cried, moments I heavily cursed the universe, and moments I was pretty angry. But I made it through and so far my body hasn’t been too negatively affected. I worry that by writing the above sentence I am tempting fate, but I decided to take the leap despite the what if champion in me shaking her head. My appetite is once again completely gone and some of my histamine issues are back, but it hasn’t thrown me back to the starting line.

We all have things in life that we fear happening. We tell ourselves if _____ happens I’d never get through it, it would destroy me, I wouldn’t be able to handle it, etc. In my experience when the things we fear actually happen, they aren’t as scary as we thought they would be. Our lives aren’t over and the world doesn’t stop turning. Yes they can be extremely hard and test every ounce of strength, courage, and resolve we have, and make us feel as if parts of us have broken, but they don’t break us. We humans give ourselves far less credit when it comes to our strength, our adaptability, and our resolve to face whatever life throws our way. Whatever fears keep you awake at night or stop you in your path during your day know that if they end up happening, you’ll be able to handle them. As the always wise and total bad ass Glennon Doyle says, “We can do hard things.”

PS: You may be over Covid, but Covid is not over us. If you’re sick, stay home. If you’ve been exposed, test. If you have every Covid symptom under the sun but want to live in denial and tell yourself it’s allergies, you do you… BUT for the safety of the rest of us please stay home and test while doing you.