This time of year lends itself to reflecting. We often look back at what went well, the challenges we faced, the people who walked along side us, the 2025 resolutions that went unresolved, the minutes we spent listening to Taylor Swift, the number of times we ate our weight in chips and queso.. just the usual deep and reflective thinking that we all do at the end of the year.

As I was scrolling on Facebook, I came across a year end post from one of my favorite authors, Kate Bowler. Kate has written several books, but may favorite is “Everything Happens For A Reason And Others Lies I’ve Loved.” I was hooked from the title because Kate is right that the idea everything happens for a reason isn’t really true. Sometimes shit happens..there’s no reason for it.. and we have very little control over what happens. I know for those of you who love the idea of control that last sentence was a doozy to read. I would suggest taking some deep breaths and avoiding thinking about it..clearly those weekly therapy sessions with Her Majesty of Feelings are really doing their job.

As part of any milestone she reaches in life, including the end of a year, Kate answers the 12 questions below. I decided to be like Kate and reflect on my 2025 by answering the same questions. I found these questions to be thought proving, reflective, eye opening, and a beautiful way to begin closing the door on another year filled with good moments, difficult moments, simple moments, cherished moments, and everything in between.

1. What surprised you with its goodness this year?
   • I was surprised by how much good there still is in the world. Yes, there’s a lot of cruel things happening in our world right now and there are a lot of people who lead with hate and anger. However, there are far more people who lead with kindness and love. There are far more people who are lights of compassion and humanity. I was reminded many times this year of the quote by Mr. Rodgers, “When I was a boy and would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping. May we all keep looking for and being the helpers.
2. What did you carry farther than you thought you could?
   • I carried being grounded farther than I thought I could this year. I was very intentional this year of wanting to be rooted and grounded regardless of what life brought my way. I was intentional about expanding my morning meditation practice and doing grounding breath exercises throughout my day. I have carried the image of being rooted like a tree and connected to the Earth throughout my year and it has made a difference for both my mind and my body. Now, I have yet to achieve being grounded while driving… the choice words that often flow out of my mouth at other drivers if proof of that. For some reason the skills don’t translate when I’m behind the wheel.
3. What have you outgrown, even if you’re not quite ready to say goodbye?
   • I have outgrown forcing things.. forcing conversations, interactions, plans, answers, commitments, etc and even though I have outgrown it and feel this deep calling in me to just let things be and let things happen as they are meant to happen, I still find myself drawn to forcing things. I think it’s the recovering people pleaser in me that doesn’t particularly like when things aren’t boxed, wrapped up with a cute bow, and stamped with “It’s All Ok” on the box. I am slowly and I mean slowly..like turtle pace slow.. learning to be ok with uncertainty and with things being raw, messy, human.
4. Who helped you survive this year?
   • Soul friends, family, friends who are family, the forest, communities I belong to, my health care team, various books, MBSR, writing/journaling, laughing until I cried, retreats, silence, Morgan Harper Nichols poems, Mary Oliver poems, Tara Brach, Brene Brown, Glenn Doyle, Oprah, Taylor Swift music, too many songs to name, random strangers, beautiful days, the melodies of the birds greeting the day, etc. I am made up of all of these wonderful people, wisdom, art, and nature and I survived this year because of each of them as well.
5. What beauty did you witness that felt like it was just for you?
   • I was hiking on a Saturday morning before leading my first ever mindfulness/meditation session and I was a bundle of nerves. I went to the forest to ground, to connect with myself, and to get myself to calm the hell down. I came up over a hill I’ve hiked dozens of times before and there were two deer grazing. They stopped, looked up at me, and we just stared at each other for what felt like forever, but couldn’t have been more than a few minutes. I knew instantly the Universe was telling me “It’s all going to be all right”. I see deer in the forest only when I need to see them and that day I needed to see them and there they were.
6. What ache are you bringing with you into the new year?
   • I have 2 aches I am bringing with me into the new year. The ache of the lives that have been upended, forever changed, destroyed, and some cases lost due to the cruelty of those in power. My heart literally aches at what thousands of vulnerable people have had to endure. It is cruelty for cruelty’s sake and my heart aches that we still don’t understand how connected we all are and that what happens to one of us happens to all of us. The second ache is more personal and is my friend grief. She’s still here. She still makes her presence known at the most inopportune times. She’s an ache I carry with me daily. We are slowly inching our way towards friendship.
7. Where did joy surprise you this year?
   • I was surprised by how much joy I felt and saw at protests this year. There is a tangible joy and energy that one feels when they are raising their voice for compassion, dignity, humanity, etc in a group with others. I saw the best of humanity show up at events that were planned as a result of the worst of humanity.
8. What is one thing you did this year that your past self would be proud of?
   • I fully embraced living in the and. I didn’t wait until I felt good, until things were perfectly mapped out, until I knew what I was doing, etc to live. I embraced living with whatever life threw my way. I allowed myself to bend to the winds of life, but I didn’t break. I did my best to surrender and just let life take me where it needed to take me. I stepped outside of my comfort zone and did things that scared the crap out of me and that I wasn’t perfect at.
9. What did you lose that deserves to be remembered?
   • I lost the idea that life can go back to the way it was before. This year I really accepted that this is my new normal and there is no going back. Life as I knew it before getting sick is gone. Letting go of that idea or that hope that maybe if I get better I can go back was really hard because doing so forced me to find peace in what is now. I still have moments of yearning for what was, but even in those moments of yearning I a realistic that what was can never be again.
10. What rhythms or rituals carried you through?
    • My meditation practice, hikes in the forest, and journaling are what carried me through. I have a morning meditation practice that I try to do every morning and this year that practice expanded as a result of taking an MBSR course. Starting my morning grounded, connected to myself, and in a place of kindness and peace has made all the difference for me. Hiking in the forest is sacred for me and is a time of deep connection and reflection. The forest is home and being able to visit frequently and connect with Forest Sara is integral to my wellness. Finally, daily journaling allows me to get what’s in my head out onto a page. It helps me process, helps me reflect, helps me be more empathetic, and helps me let things go.
11. What do you hope to make room for next year- not as a resolution, but a holy invitation?
    • I hope to make room for more time that is set apart for me to just be in the next year. I have the intention of doing some kind of retreat every month of the year. For me a retreat is time that is set apart for me to connect with myself, the space I am in, and the people I may be with. Some of my retreats will be alone and some will be with people, but all of them will be grounded in the holy invitation to rest and just to be.
12. If you could write a blessing for the year ahead, what would it say?
    • In this new year, May I(you) be open to change, May I(you) be open to loving and being loved, May I (you) trust myself to know what my body, soul, and mind need, May I(you) fiercely accept and celebrate my (your) humanness, May I (you) be grounded in body, mind, and spirit, May I(you) celebrate my evolving, May I (you) know peace, May I(you) be grateful for it all.