About 5 weeks ago, I embarked on a new mindfulness adventure by signing myself up for a Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction Strategies or MBSR course. There’s a significant amount of research about the health benefits of MSBR for people with chronic health conditions and chronic pain. My goal in signing up for the course was to connect with my body in a way that had nothing to do with monitoring it for symptoms and also learn to like/ love my body again. We are often middle school frenemies with a very up and down relationship where we vacillate between tolerating each other and giving each other the silent treatment multiple times a day. I’ll also admit that I thought signing up for the MBSR course might make me a super calm, zen, enlightened person who is never bothered by anything and just lets everything roll off her back..I was hoping to become the modern lesbian version of the Buddha. Yeah, I had somewhat unreasonable expectations.

In the 5 weeks since I’ve been taking this class for 2.5 hours each night, practicing 6 times a week, and completing an all day silent retreat, I have learned a few things and here they are:

1. The goal of mindful practice is to just be aware of your thoughts, feelings, sensations in your body, etc. The goal isn’t to be calm, achieve anything, turn into a fully enlightened and arrived human being. The goal is literally just to be aware. This is harder than one thinks.
2. Mindful eating makes one realize how much we chew when we eat. I swear, I feel like a horse chomping down on my food. If you want to lose weight, try mindful eating. You will be so sick of chewing and thinking about your food that you will lose your appetite.
3. Staying awake during a 45 minute body scan while lying down is a superpower.
4. I’ve never imagined or tapped into how the space between my toes are feeling until now. I am happy to report, they are happy and doing well.
5. A silent retreat literally means a silent retreat. Like no talking.. at all.. like none.
6. My body and I are slowly moving from frenemies to acquaintances who enjoy bonding with each other every so often in very controlled environments.
7. At least once during my class on Tuesday nights while practicing my mind plays a slideshow of how embarrassing it would be to pass gas and how I’d never be able to show my face in class again if that happened. Thank god it hasn’t happened yet, but the fear is very real.
8. Practicing in community with others who are on a similar journey, but have a plethora of different life experiences is incredibly soul filling and eye opening.
9. I still curse at cars. However, I am aware I am angry and cursing at cars, so I am technically practicing mindfulness while cursing at the cars.
10. We don’t spend enough time grateful and amazed at what our bodies can do and how they hold us each and every day.
11. Lying down yoga is not easy.. just ask my hips, hamstrings, and quads.
12. I’ve never spent so much intentional time with myself and I have to say, I kind of like who I am.
13. Jeans and mindfulness practice don’t go together. You will spend the entire practice thinking about/ berating yourself for wearing jeans instead of comfy sweats that are 2 sizes too big.
14. I am still not good at radically accepting what life brings my way. I still want to control, change, fix, etc most of what life brings me. I’m a work in progress, people.
15. Sending loving kindness to people who you don’t particularly like is not easy. I get that we are all humans and all deserving of love and kindness, but the vengeful part of me feels like they deserve a little less love and kindness sent their way.. just saying.

While some of these lessons are funny because I am writing it and I can’t take anything too seriously, I will say this class has been an experience I will never forget. I will carry the lessons, the strategies, the aha moments with me for the rest of my life. This class has been a stepping stone to me befriending my body in a way that has nothing to do with checking my heart rate, my blood pressure, my pacing score, etc, but instead is focused on how my body is feeling, how I can support my body, and how can we work together. The class is only halfway done and I can’t wait to see what other aha moments I have and the other ways I am able to connect with and befriend my body.

If you have the opportunity to sign up for an MBSR course, do it! You will meet yourself in ways you never have before. You will get to know and befriend your body in a new and beautiful way. And, you will get to spend part of every body scan thinking about and imagining the space between your toes. Who doesn’t want to do that?

PS: I have not been compensated for this glowing review of the MBSR course, but if anyone who is doing an MBSR course would like to pay me for a glowing review, I’m very affordable.