I don’t know about you but whenever I hear the word “iceberg” I think of the Titanic. I assure you this post is not about the sinking of a boat or the sinking of anything.

Recently, I was in a session with A+ therapist and we were talking about the continued struggle I have of people seeing me at events, meetings, out, etc and assuming that it means I am feeling better, have recovered, etc. These comments used to really affect me and I would feel the need to try to change the social construct of what “sick” looks like and try to get people to understand. I have, for the most part, moved past feeling like it’s my responsibility to try and make someone understand that when you have chronic illnesses one doesn’t always look “sick”. However, there are still times when I will get comments about how the fact I am doing/able to do (blank) must mean that I am better, healed, not having issues , etc that the old desire to educate people on exactly what I am going through still rises to the surface. I know I have to get used to these well-meaning comments as I live in a society that doesn’t understand chronic illness because it doesn’t fit with our social construct of what “sick” looks like.

A+ brought up the fact that there’s something called the Chronic Illness Iceberg that consists of what people can see on the surface of the iceberg vs. what they can’t see on the part of the iceberg that is below the water. People see one part of the iceberg and assume that’s the only part that exists. I have included an image of the Chronic Illness Iceberg below that gives perspective on just how much is going on beneath the surface for someone dealing with chronic illness and most of these things you will never see outward signs of. This image is a general image of what those with chronic illness go through/feel each day and in no way speaks to the lived experiences of each individual with chronic illness. I relate/identify with many of the things on this image and there are some I don’t, but I feel like the image gives a good visual picture of the daily struggles those of us with chronic illness deal with.

You may be asking yourself “How are we supposed to understand/ acknowledge things we don’t see or know about?” That is a totally fair question and it is such a balance when one is chronically ill. You want to be honest about how you’re feeling each day and what’s going on, but you also don’t want it to define every interaction/part of your day. I know for me that I have to mask symptoms sometimes just for myself so that I can leave the house and go about my day. If I stayed home everyday I had symptoms or didn’t feel good, I’d never leave my house because since August 7, 2022 there’s never been a day I haven’t had symptoms and have felt “good” in the traditional sense of the word. When one has chronic illnesses things that others would see as abnormal and things that require a medical visit become very normal and just part of everyday life. Your perspective changes. Just know that even if you don’t see the everyday struggles, symptoms, pain, etc that a person with chronic illnesses face they are there and they are very real.

We all have our own icebergs. We all have things, feelings, thoughts, experiences, etc that happen beneath the surface that not everyone sees. There may be some people in our lives that see our whole iceberg, but the vast majority never do. We are all walking around with our own icebergs and these icebergs affect how we get through the day, relate to people, live our lives, etc. If someone has let you see their entire iceberg, consider that a great honor and cherish that. If others haven’t, that’s ok too. Sharing one’s iceberg, especially the parts of the iceberg that are beneath the surface is a profoundly vulnerable thing for one to do and as my kick ass, wise, and profound girl crush Brene Brown says, “Vulnerability is not oversharing, it’s sharing with the people who have earned the right to hear our stories and experiences.”