If I had a dollar for every time I was asked this question over the last two years I’d be a wealthy woman. People mean well when they ask this question, but I assure you I’ve tried everything. 3 days of weeks of IV’s to “clean my blood” and “clear the mold out of my body”.. tried it. Cutting out gluten, soy, sugar, eggs, dairy, and anything else that actually tastes good.. tried it. Infrared Sauna.. tried it. Meditation.. tried it and still use it daily. At the height of my illness when I was just leaving my apartment filled with toxic mold I was so desperate for relief from my symptoms, I would have literally tried anything and everything.. and I kind of did. There are some things I have not tried that are advertised for those with chronic illness such as being stung by bees and drinking celery juice every morning. I tried a sip of celery juice once and you literally couldn’t pay me enough to ever drink it again.

When people ask this question they have the best intentions. They want to help in any way they can and don’t want you to leave any stone unturned in your quest to “feel better.” Sometimes though one can try all of the things and still be sick. Such is the case with chronic illness. The quest for feeling better instead becomes the quest to maintain and make any progress, no matter how small. Sometimes the progress is so small that only the person who is sick can really see and feel it.

As humans when people we know are struggling our first inclination is to go into fix-it mode. We aren’t comfortable just sitting with and being with someone in their struggle. It feels uncomfortable, raw, and at times, overwhelming. To deal with our own uncomfortable feelings of helplessness we go into fix it mode. We offer solutions, suggestions, advice etc in an effort to try and fix the situation. I am talking to myself when I write this because I do the same thing. I catch myself when I am with friends going into solution mode instead of just being with them in their struggle.

Its hard to watch anyone struggle, especially those we care about and our desire to fix comes from a place of not wanting to see them suffer and also not wanting to feel the uncomfortable feelings of helplessness that come with watching someone we care about suffer. Next time you catch yourself going into fix it mode, solution mode, and/or asking “Have you tried this?” stop, take a breath, and try just sitting with and being with the person who is struggling. Sometimes those of us struggling just need a human to remind us we aren’t alone in our struggles and that matters far more than any solution you could potentially offer.

PS: If anyone ever asks you “Have you tried celery juice?” Save yourself from the trauma and lie and say “Absolutely, I have!