It’s been a bit since I’ve written because I’ve been of the mindset that while our country seems to be one big dumpster fire and each day there’s more gasoline added to the fire that what I have to say about living with and thriving with chronic illness isn’t all the important, timely, and/or needed. But then I got to thinking that I have a lot of experience dealing with and living through a dumpster fire life experience that may be helpful for some of you new to the experience of trying to live life in a world that feels like it’s on fire and doesn’t look familiar to you at all.

Dumpster fire life experiences are those experiences in life where it feels like your whole life, sense of self, what you thought you knew about your life and the world, etc are set on fire and you still have to live while the fire rages. If you’ve never experienced such a life experience, consider yourself lucky, but I would also ask “Has one truly lived if they’ve never had a dumpster fire life experience. For many of us right now, life has felt like one big dumpster fire since January 20th or maybe even since the night of November 5th when the polls closed and the election results came in. If you are one of the millions, and it pains me to right that number and know there’s millions, that are happy with the current season we are all living in, this is where you should stop reading. For those of you who feel like each day you enter a fresh new level of some hellscape alternate reality you never thought was possible, read on.

How to Survive a Dumpster Fire Life Experience/ Season

1. Accept that the dumpster fire is in fact happening. Don’t try to ignore, reason it away, convince yourself it’s just some cool new light feature brought to light up your life, etc. Accept that this season of life feels completely uncertain, unrecognizable, unbelievable, and process all the feelings and emotions that come with that. Processing the feelings and emotions will be a daily and sometimes hourly step. Don’t try to ignore them and/or outrun them. Speaking from experience, feelings have very fast legs and are very adept at escaping from any spot to which you have tried to banish them and push them down.
2. Stay away from gasoline: This may be both weird and obvious, but don’t add fuel to the dumpster fire. If watching the news makes the dumpster fire feel bigger, turn it off. If talking to a friend who enjoys doom spiraling as a new hobby makes the dumpster fire bigger, don’t talk to that friend. You have full license to do what you need to do to not pour gasoline on the dumpster fire and help it grow. You can’t always control the fire starting and/or continuing to burn, but you can certainly control whether or not you add to it.
3. Don’t’ compare: Your dumpster fire may feel bigger, hotter, and like it’s burning brighter than someone else’s dumpster fire, but it’s not a competition. Some people let their dumpster fires burn freely fr all to see and others spend their time and energy trying to hide their dumpster fire because they don’t want to admit it’s happening. We are all dealing with our own dumpster fires in our own ways and no one gets an award for having the biggest dumpster fire or for handling their dumpster fire the best. This is growth coming from someone who loves achievements and would have loved some kind of awards ceremony related to the dumpster fire that’s been burning in my life the last 2 years.
4. Live: Yes, you read that right, live. Even when it feels like your life is burning, nothing makes sense, and everything feels scary you still have to live. Living may look different and that’s ok, but isolating yourself at home where it’s just you and your dumpster fire for company is no way to live and just makes the fire seem bigger and scarier. Find things that bring you joy. Yes, you can still find joy while your life is burning. Trust me, I’ve done it and continue to do it. My life has been what has felt like a 3 alarm fire since August 2022 and yet, there has also been moments of joy like I’ve never experienced before. According to A+ therapist, two conflicting things can be true. yes, I know it goes against everything we were taught in this black and white world we live in, but it’s true.
5. Water yourself: Just like fighting a real fire, when you’re living with and through a dumpster fire life experience, you have to water yourself. The water in this scenario are those things, people, places, etc that bring you joy, remind you of who you are, and make you still feel hopeful about the world. In a dumpster fire life experience, one can never have too much water.
6. Containment: Don’t focus on putting the fire out and/or getting rid of it completely because for many of us right now that’s not possible. There are things out of our control adding to and/or creating our dumpster fire. Focus instead on containment and what helps lessen the intensity of the fire. Maybe reading a book helps the containment of your dumpster fire go from 0% to 10%, so do more of that.

As someone who by no choice or fault of my own has had to spend the last 2 1/2 years figuring out how to live within a life that feels like it’s burned and still has hot spots burning, I won’t sugarcoat it and tell you that it’s easy to get through dumpster fire life experiences because it’s not. There will be days that no matter what you do, how much you water yourself, etc containment is not possible and the fire will rage, that’s ok. There will be other days where it will feel like the intensity of the fire has lessened and you’re only having to deal with hot spots that pop up every now and then. Give yourself grace as you navigate this new normal and allow yourself to have any and all reactions. Your feelings, whatever they are, are valid. Just as your feelings are valid, so are the feelings of those around you. If you encounter someone who is a little short with you, grumpy, and/or just a complete asshole, give them grace. You don’t know how fierce their dumpster fire or the dumpster fires of those they love may be burning that day. Side note: I am not giving anyone a free license to just go around being a complete asshole to each and every person you meet because you’re living with and through a dumpster fire.

A dumpster fire life experience and/or season forces us to let go of control, certainty, comfort, and what was and instead work on accepting uncertainty, what is, and the unfamiliar/uncomfortable.