According to the Oxford Languages Dictionary, healing is defined as, “the process of making or becoming sound or healthy again.” Our cultural perspective of healing is rooted in this definition. We think of healing as a return to. Someone gets a cold, they take meds, and they return to feeling healthy again. Someone breaks their bone, they get a cast, and then they return to having a bone that’s no longer broken. We understand healing in these very black and white terms and situations. However, there are many human experiences that don’t fit this narrow definition of healing. I hate to be the one to break it to you, but there are very few things in life that are black and white. A lot of our lives are spent living in the gray.

As someone who has been diagnosed with several chronic illnesses, I don’t fit the above mentioned definition of healing. There is no return to being healthy for me. There is also no way for me to return to the life and body I had and/or the person I was before getting sick. Throughout this journey I have always struggled with people saying, “I hope you get better” or “I hope you start to heal.” I’ve heard both phrases so often I’ve actually contemplated getting a shirt with the definition of chronic on it as people don’t seem to understand that chronic illness means these illnesses aren’t going away. We get to be besties for the resties as the kids these days say. Yes, there are things that I can do to make progress and to manage my symptoms, but there has yet to be and most likely won’t ever be, a day I wake up and feel good or feel healthy.

Chronic illness doesn’t fit into the socially acceptable definition of healing and requires one to constantly live in the gray, which is what makes it so difficult not only to live with, but for people to understand. People don’t understand how I’ve been sick for 2 years and I am still sick. Hallmark doesn’t make a get well card that reads “Get well.. Never.” or “Hope you aren’t as sick today as you were yesterday”, or “You’re still sick?!? That last phrase is one I’ve heard before from well meaning people who are shocked that someone with chronic illnesses is still sick. Hallmark doesn’t make these cards because they aren’t uplifting messages, they aren’t messages that celebrate someone getting better and returning to, and they wouldn’t be cards that would fly off the shelves.

As one of my favorites Oprah would say, I had an aha moment the other night while journaling. I realized that for me and for those of us who are dealing with illnesses and/or life experiences that make healing defined as a return to impossible, our definition of healing has to be rooted in “acceptance of.” Acceptance of all the ways life has changed. Acceptance of a “new normal”. Acceptance of what’s been lost. Healing for me looks like focusing on accepting as opposed to focusing on returning to. I will tell you that acceptance is not easy and according to A+ therapist one doesn’t have to enjoy or like something to practice acceptance. That’s good news for me because I don’t think there will ever be a time in my life where I will like my illnesses. That’s like asking a die hard Nebraska Cornhusker football fan to root for Texas. Not going to happen.

If you find yourself on a journey of healing and you’re feeling stuck or boxed in by feeling like healing means you have to “return to”, try looking at healing as “acceptance of” instead. Try living in the gray zone of healing.