I am the type of person that at the end of every year sits down and reflects on the year. I think about what I want to let go of from that year and what I want to bring into the new year. I used to love making vision boards. I would make one the final week of each year as a way to set my intentions for the year to come. I loved gathering magazine clippings with inspiring quotes or pictures on them, creatively attaching them to paper, and then framing the vision board once completed. For me, it was a tangible representation of my intentions I could look at throughout the year and check in with myself to see if my daily life matched the intentions I went into the year with.

I don’t enjoy vision boards nearly as much as I used to and I think that’s because a lot of shit has happened in my life that wasn’t on any vision board I’ve ever made. I didn’t envision getting Covid and never getting better. I didn’t envision living in an apartment with mold and having to throw everything I ever owned away. I didn’t envision being on disability at age 38. I feel like life came in and ripped my vision board to shreds. I fear setting intentions for the year to come because I am all too aware of the unforeseen explosions life can throw one’s way. It feels safer not to set any intentions for the new year that way life doesn’t have anything to rip to shreds. It feels safer to just tip toe quietly into the new year and not rock the boat of the universe by setting any intentions.

Recently, A+ therapist and I were talking about creating a vision board for wellness or self-care. At this point in my life, my full time job is wellness of my mind, body, and soul in the midst of diseases that make those three things quite a challenge. I am very good at wellness in terms of going to my appointments, doing my rehab exercises and strategies at home, etc. But life is more than going to doctors appts, doing ot exercises, and doing at home treatments… or at least I hope to God it is. I haven’t yet figured out how to have a full life while dealing with diseases that can be exacerbated if one lives life too fully. I have moments and experiences in my day to day life that are full and rich, but life doesn’t feel as full as it once did.

So that’s the challenge before me.. create a vision board that helps me to set intentions around self care and wellness that go beyond appts, spaces, environments, etc where I show up as the “patient.” I’ll be honest that I am nervous. Nervous that the life God’s will discover I’ve created a vision board and will begin plotting what life explosions to send my way. Nervous that regardless of what is on that vision board nothing will make life feel as whole and full as it once did. Nervous that maybe when you’re living with chronic illness having a life that is full isn’t possible.

The lesson in all of this is no matter how strong your intentions and how cute you make your vision board look, there is going to be shit that happens in your life that you would never put on your vision board. There’s going to be shit that happens in life that makes you feel like life took your vision board and put it through a giant shredder. There’s going to be shit that happens in life that not even the most talented of psychics or astrologers could have predicted. So maybe our vision boards should reflect what we are going to do when the unforeseen realities of life knock us off our feet instead of reflecting the life we hope to create in year to come. Maybe our vision boards should reflect who we want to be in those seasons and how we will get through them because those seasons will come.

PS: I cannot be held personally responsible if you make a vision board and not only does none of the stuff you envisioned happen, but life throws giant explosions your way. Unfortunately, that’s a sucky part of being human. Bad shit happens.