It’s been awhile since I’ve written a post because I haven’t been able to find the words that speak to this season. I’ve stared at a blank computer screen more times than I can count over the last 9 days doing my best to magically will words of wisdom of how to keep thriving when it feels like your world has fallen apart onto the screen. My intention with this blog has always been to show the humanness of chronic illness. To remove the mask that most of us wear to get through each day and speak to the very real feelings, struggles, fears, etc that a person living with chronic illness deal with on a daily basis. Right now though, there’s things in the world that feel far more important and significant than my journey with chronic illness.

For many of us the world and our lives today feel very differently than they did 9 days ago. Many of us are stumbling around, doing our best to put one foot forward, and to keep going in a world full of fear and uncertainty. You can’t escape the very real fears and the profound grief millions of people are dealing with. It pops up in news alerts, Facebook status updates, and TikTok videos. You hear it in the trembling voices of your friends, family, and neighbors or in their profound and deafening silence. Millions of us are grappling with a reality we never thought we would have to face.

Over the last 2 years I have dealt with my fair share of fear and uncertainty. I have woken up many days with fear, grief, and uncertainty inhabiting my being that at this point they feel like they are a part of me the same way my sarcasm is a part of me. My journey with chronic illness is not on the same level as people who are preparing to possibly be forcibly separated from their family members and the millions of people preparing to lose their human rights, but there are some parallels. I know what it’s like to feel like the rug has been pulled out from underneath you and feeling like you would do anything to find some semblance of stable ground on which to stand. I know what it’s like to go to bed and your world look and feel one way and wake up and it looks and feels completely different.

I don’t have the cure for the fears, grief, and uncertainty so many of us are grappling with at the moment. I wish I had a step by step numbered list of what to do when the world and your life feel terrifying. However, there are a few things I know for sure. A few things that no one person, party, laws, and/or institutions can take away or change

• The antidote to fear and uncertainty is light. Fear and uncertainty thrive in the dark and in isolation. When you name your fears and you are vulnerable enough to let your fears see the light of day, they begin to get smaller. They no longer drive the bus.
• You cannot do life alone. We as humans need connection and community. In times of fear and uncertainty, those connections are even more critical. Find your village and your people.
• Life is about living in the “and”. You can be fearful and joyful. Grieving and grateful. Uncertain and peaceful.
• The small and simple things are the big things in life.
• Everyday we are witnesses to extraordinary beauty in the ordinary details of our daily lives. The trick is to have our eyes open, so we don’t miss it.
• It’s ok to have days where everything feels overwhelming and too much. That doesn’t make you weak.. it makes you human.
• Your gut and that innate knowing that speaks from your soul is never wrong.
• No feeling no matter how intense, difficult, overwhelming, etc lasts forever.
• You are allowed to take care of yourself in whatever way you need to. There is no one right path for getting through seasons of life marked by grief, fear, and uncertainty. If taking care of yourself looks like ignoring the news, do it. If it looks like eating a whole pizza, eat away! There is no right or wrong.
• Embrace the suck- there are seasons, experiences, and moments in life that just suck. Accept them for what they are and embrace them instead of fighting against them.

In the days, weeks, and months ahead we will all experience waves of emotions that will at times feel like a tsunami sent to destroy everything in its path and at other times will feel like waves we can surf. Give yourself and everyone you encounter grace. We are all doing our best and someone else’s best might look very different than your own. Honor where you are at and what you need to find solid footing in a world that feels like the ground we are standing on is anything but solid. Continue to live, laugh, love, hope, and know that things won’t always feel as scary as they do now.

One of my favorite quotes is from Amanda Gorman’s poem “The Hill We Climb”, “For there is always light. If only we’re brave enough to see it. If only we’re brave enough to be it.” Continue to be a light in the world and open to seeing the light that always shines regardless of how dark the night seems.