I returned from my 3 day retreat and I am happy to report my first date with myself went quite well. There were no awkward silences, no “emergency” texts from friends were sent in an effort to end the date early, and I discovered I genuinely like myself. Thank God it went well. I’m pretty sure therapy handbooks don’t come equipped with a chapter labeled “Strategies To Help a Client Who Can’t Even Successfully Date Themselves.”

While on this retreat I learned many valuable lessons. One, take your room key with you outside or you will be locked out and at the mercy of waiting for someone to decide they want to come outside before you can get back in. Two, quilting groups have far more drama than I ever would have imagined. There’s a reality T.V show following quilting groups just waiting to be developed.. it would be serious reality T.V gold. Third, I don’t know how to just walk the damn path.

The retreat center I went to has a beautiful labyrinth made with broken stones set together to create a whole path. The metaphor of the broken stones making something whole was not lost on me as I often spend time trying to figure out how the “broken” parts of me add up to making a whole person. What was lost on me was how to simply walk the damn path. First, I started the labyrinth in the wrong place. In my defense, the starting line was not very well marked. There was no big “Start Here” sign, which would have been helpful. As I started walking, I felt myself constantly looking ahead to see where the path was going and trying to visualize what route I was going to take to get to the center. I couldn’t surrender, allow the broken stones to lead me, and just walk the damn path.

Many times while walking the labyrinth I said to myself, “Sara, just walk the damn path.” That night as I was reflecting I thought to myself how much time and energy I have spent throughout my health journey trying to figure out where the path was going or trying to direct the path to go where I want it to go as opposed to just walking the damn path. It requires surrendering and trusting to walk a path in which you can’t see what lies ahead and a path that you never imagined you’d be on. I’ve learned that surrendering and trusting are two things that those of us type A personalities who love having control, or let’s be honest the total illusion of control, aren’t good at. Yes, we don’t really have control. If that thought completely terrifies you and sends you into a panic, you may enjoy control. Welcome to the club!

I’ve decided moving forward I am just going to walk the damn path. I might start in the wrong place, the path might be made of broken stones, and the path may feel like its winding through a never ending valley, but my job is to just put on my walking shoes and walk the damn path. Now, are there going to be days I don’t want to walk the damn path.. absolutely. There’s also going to be days I’m going to want to make the path go the way I want it to go and I may fool myself into believing I have the power to do that.. this whole trusting and surrendering thing is a work in progress, folks.

If you find yourself struggling with trusting and surrendering to the path of your own life, try to let go of the illusion of control and just walk the damn path. The path may look different than you want it to, but it may also lead you to the most beautiful of places if you let it. Caution: If walking the damn path leads you somewhere you don’t want to go, please don’t blame me. Take those concerns up with the universe.