If you’re like me, you now have the song “Shame, Shame, Shame” by Shirley and Company running through your head. I can’t remember what I ate for breakfast yesterday, but I can remember song lyrics to songs I haven’t listened to in years. To be honest, song lyrics are more important to me than remembering what I had for breakfast the day before anyway, so I’m glad my brain agrees.

A+ therapist and I have been spending time diving into the uplifting and very fun topic of shame lately. I’m convince by now you’re jealous that I get to go to therapy each week and talk about such fun, lighthearted topics like grief and shame. Therapy is secretly where the party’s at!

I have resisted talking about my shame because I think shame is one of the most uncomfortable feelings to feel and to talk about. We have all felt shame at some point in our lives, but rarely do we speak about. We hide our shame in the far back corners of the closet of our soul and cover it up with much nicer feelings to look at and feel like happiness, joy, gratitude, etc. Unfortunately in doing so we allow shame to continue to fester and grow. Shame thrives in darkness.

When A+ therapist first asked about what it would feel like to talk about the shame and I have surrounding my illnesses, what my body can no longer do, and my current life. I responded with, “Like you’re asking me to walk over broken glass barefoot and be ok with knowing I’m going to get cut and bleed.” I may have gone for the dramatic visual in hopes that she would retreat in her desire to have me talk about my shame, but of course she didn’t. In fact, I’m pretty sure the dramatic visual was like the therapist’s version of the old blue light sales at K Mart. Lights were going off in her head followed by an announcement “This is clearly a subject that needs to be addressed. Do not let patient use avoidant strategies to avoid this topic.”

And in true A+ therapist fashion we started to dig my shame out from the back of the closet where it’s been buried for awhile and began to dust the cobwebs off of it. It has not been a fun process, but in giving voice to my shame and looking my shame in the face, it has made it not feel so big, so overwhelming, and so scary. If you have some shame hiding in the depths of your soul closet, maybe try bringing it out, dusting it off, and sitting with it for a while. Try giving a voice to your shame and speaking its name. Shame thrives in the darkness, but it doesn’t survive the light.